All GOP 2012 Presidential Candidates Drop Out of Race: Afraid Of Gangsta Obama
All remaining candidates in the Republican race for the 2012 presidential nomination have withdrawn. All cited fears that President Obama would either make fun of them or have them shot.
“Do you think I want to get Trumped at the next White House Correspondents Dinner?” asked a visibly shaken Mitt Romney. “I mean, even more Trumped than I already was.”
“Do I look like I want to get a call at 3 o’clock in the morning from that guy or his Navy Seals henchmen?” asked Sarah Palin. “I’m still too pretty to be a baked Alaska.”
“I’m just a guy from Minnesota,” said Tim Pawlenty. “If I’m walking into the dark alley of federal politics, do I want to run in to a guy who’s got Chris Rock’s biting wit and 50 Cent’s ice cold gangsta grill? Thank you, no. I don’t want be mocked and dumped into the Lake of the Woods.”
“I was getting bored, but I don’t need that level of excitement,” said Newt Gingrich. “Maybe I’ll just hit the bar and find another wife instead.”
None of the other potential nominees would say anything for the record.