Under Harper Majority, 60% of Canadians Now Hoping For Speedy Apocalypse
With the election of Stephen Harper’s party (formerly known as the Conservative Party of Canada) last night, a majority of Canadians have turned their hopes to a North Carolina religious sect, which is predicting the end of the world on May 21st.
It is well known that Harper is like an inversion of Alexander Keith’s India Pale Ale. The 60% of Canadians who hate him, hate him a lot. The prospect of seeing his soulless face and hearing his monotone corporate drudgery for at least four more years has many hoping for total oblivion, even if the process of destruction is slow and extremely painful. This hope is particularly strong in the few remaining supporters of the Liberal party, the natural governing party of Canada for more than a hundred years.
“For us,” said one anonymous Liberal supporter, “the end has already arrived. We realize that pinning our hopes on global apocalypse is a longshot and not very forward looking, but it’s no more of a long shot than Bob Rae leading us back to victory in 2015.”
The new Harper Armageddonists have decided to focus on the “May 21ster” sect because they cannot wait for the end of the Mayan calendar in December 2012. There is even some support among the most ardent Harper haters for the Harper Party environmental policies.
“They can only help speed up the end of the world process,” sighed the anonymous Liberal supporter. “Time to move on.”