GE Pays Zero Tax: Threatens to Leave America if Taxes Remain This High
American corporate icon, GE, will pull out what’s left of its American operation if the current administration doesn’t move to lower corporate taxes. The company is advocating a new Less Than Zero tax policy.
“America has the highest corporate tax rate in the world,” said GE spokesperson, Art Fuldodger “American businesses cannot compete under these conditions. Last year GE booked profits of more than 14 billion dollars. In previous years, using traditional mathematics, GE would have paid over 3 billion in taxes. That is an astonishing figure. Now, to the lay person, they see that on the surface we are paying zero taxes, and yes we’re even getting a refund, but there are many hidden taxes that your average Joe the Plumber doesn’t see. People just understand how much it costs to make 35% of 14 billion equal zero. For instance, we have nearly 1000 tax lawyers who we have paid enormous sums of money to re-invent mathematics and erase national boundaries. Consider that expense a tax. We also pay untold millions of dollars a year for an army of lobbyists to keep all of the loopholes in the tax code that we spent years and untold millions of dollars lobbying for after that crypto-communist, Ronald Reagan, tried to close them down. Consider our lobbyist payroll a tax. Call the two hidden taxes I have mentioned, the Lawyer and Lobbyist Tax. It is a tax that could easily be removed if we simply remove corporate tax altogether. No one likes lawyers. Especially tax lawyers. No one likes lobbyists. And no one likes taxes. It is frankly impossible to imagine how we can pay down the federal deficit unless the government gives us more money to do business here. Let’s take kinetic military action on the tax code now. Call in a an airstrike or a tomahawk missile and save innocent American small business civilians from the Muammar Khadafi madman dictator redistributionist tax code. Less than zero, less than zero, less than zero!”