Ann Coulter’s Healthy Lifestyle Tip 2: Drink FrackWater, the Life Enhancing Beverage
Property values around nuclear reactors have surged since Ann Coulter revealed that radiation prevents cancer. If you can’t afford to move in to the rapidly gentrifying districts of Chernobyl and Fukushima and you’re not sure you can predict the next Three Mile Island property gold rush, there is something you can do.
Ann Coulter Industries presents FrackWater, the newest health drink craze.
FrackWater is produced from the crystal clear streams of waste water run off from the natural gas drilling process known as hydraulic fracturing. What was previously thought of as an earthquake inducing toxic soup of carcinogenic pollutants is actually a scientifically proven life enhancing beverage.
Some of the active ingredients include hydrochloric acid, isopropanol, glutaraldehyde, petroleum distillate, ammonium persulfate, and potassium carbonate. These ingredients will not only clean, disinfect and deodorize your body, they also will do your make-up, colour your hair, and do a load of laundry.
And that is just the beginning. We also have a trademarked Secret Sauce of other life enhancing chemicals that will increase cardio-vascular stamina, extend and multiply orgasms, and eliminate aging, disease and death.
FrackWater also contains half the sugar of VitaminWater and is gluten-free.
FrackWater: It’s like a radioactive earthquake in your mouth!
Caution: Do not enjoy FrackWater near an open flame. While FrackWater is a non-smoking beverage, we do encourage you to continue to enjoy life enhancing tobacco products at a safe distance.