Unemployed “Brain in Vat” Sold Body Parts to Pay for Education

John Putnam, a 33-year old Wisconsinite, is the first known person to sell almost his entire body to pay off his student loan debts.

Mr. Putnam’s first sale of a body part was a kidney to an international hedge fund manager through Craigslist. He was not employed at the time, and there weren’t many job prospects for a man with a Ph.D. in Comparative Literature. Mr. Putnam then became a pioneer in a nationwide movement called Organs and Limbs for Education, which helped legalize the sale of body parts to pay for higher education in America.

Initially, this legalization helped contain the growing student debt problem in America, and increased the availability of good, Made-in-the-USA organs, for consumers (to counteract the cheap Asian organs which were flooding the market). Too often, young Americans decided not to go ahead with their education due to the excessive financial burden and the lack of decent job opportunities for graduates. The legalization of organ and limb sales gave these people an opportunity to continue with their education and not allow America to fall behind in the knowledge economy. Finally, with the greater number of organs made available, it introduced competition into the marketplace and lowered the cost to consumers. For instance, an American kidney that used to cost upwards of 75,000 dollars is now available for under 20,o00.

Ironically, Mr. Putnam’s mother claims that the legalization of organ and limb sales, and the subsequent price reduction, made it necessary for her son to sell all of his body parts to pay off his debts. “If it was still illegal,” said Mrs. Putnam, “my son could have paid off his debts with just the kidney and maybe his left leg.”

So what are the future prospects for John Putnam? His brain, which floats in a vat of life-sustaining liquid, is connected to a computer by cables that pipe in a Matrix like reality in which Mr. Putnam is the hero (fully corporeal, with a spectacular sexual appendage) in a series of fantastic revolutions against powerful cyborg armies manipulated by an unseen demonic intelligence. His mother says that her son has never been happier and is totally debt-free.


~ by mcgrenerex on March 7, 2011.

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