Glenn Beck Severs Own Head After Bizarre Hiking Accident: Says Injury Will not Affect His Thinking
Cairo – In a scene eerily reminiscent of the recent film 127 Hours, Fox television personality, Glenn Beck cut off his own head to free himself from a fallen rock. Mr. Beck was hiking through the mountains of the Sinai peninsula in search of the secret lair of the emerging World Caliphate when he became trapped under the boulder. He managed to reach into his pocket for a knife, which he used to surgically decapitate himself. He then used a white hot branch from a nearby burning bush to cauterize the wound. Several local camel herders who witnessed the scene were sickened by it and needed medical attention.
An aide to Mr. Beck said that his condition has stabilized and that he is recuperating at the American Hospital in Cairo. Mr. Beck has even joked with nurses through a customized mechanical larynx that this event has saved him from becoming too “cerebral”. The aide also said that despite the traumatic loss of his brain, Mr. Beck’s ideas remain fundamentally unchanged. The headless Beck is even more concerned about the rise of the Left Wing Muslim Planned Brotherhood of Communist Parenting Caliphate than ever.
As a result of his grotesque appearance, Mr. Beck will cancel his television show and plans to renew his focus on Talk Radio, where most observers of the industry feel he will not be impeded by his recent injury .